We need to talk about envy. If there’s one line that runs down the human heart, it’s envy. It was Aeschylus who said, It is in the character of very few men to honor without envying a friend who has prospered’. It’s all too human to covet things we don’t have in a world bereft of humility, gratitude, and groundedness. Yet, we ignore the danger of envy at our own peril.
Perhaps I am just projecting my own plethora of experiences with envy, but I get the sneaking suspicion that it’s a societal problem beyond the world of politics. It’s one left undiscussed. It’s that little gnawing voice in your head telling you that your friend’s new job or new car isn’t as impressive as you’d like to admit. It’s that voice that bugs you when you find out that someone you thought little of is now running a successful company.
Turn on the news, envy lives everywhere. Whether it be the internal machinations of adversarial politics, leadership spills, backstabbing , divisiveness is all too common. The trend runs across the political aisle too, both conservative and left wing. Be it Labour and Liberal in Australia, Democrat and Republican in America, or Labour and the Tories in the UK, politicians wait for their opponents to make a mistake so the opposition can take what they believe is rightfully theirs. Some years ago, Australia experienced its own envy-driven melodrama. Former Prime Minister Julia Gilliard staged a coup and toppled the sitting Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, only to be toppled by Rudd later in the federal election. The same was true for the liberal party. Sitting Prime Minister Tony Abbott was the victim of a leadership spill at the hands of the power-hungry Scott Morrison.
While people try to keep up with the Joneses, they’ve lost themselves to the endless one-upmanship of acquiring more material goods than their neighbors. We want the nicest cars, the biggest houses, and the newest phones, and when others have them and we don’t, we envy them. The older generation isn’t immune to envy either. One study found that among adults aged 50 or older, 69% felt envy in the previous year.
I am not making the case that we should bury our natural inclination towards human competitiveness, I am saying that it has gotten out of control.
The younger generation are the most infected by the Joneses mentality. Growing up in the age of social media has its consequences in ways no one expected. A Deloitte study found that 51% of students felt that social media made them want to purchase things they knew they could not afford.
The foundation stories of the West warned us about this
In the founding narratives of the Roman empire and the biblical tradition, the story of Romulus and Remus and Cain and Abel warn us about jealousy. In both stories, it’s clear that the jealous brother did not accept his position in the social hierarchy, failed to offer the ‘correct sacrifices’ and sought revenge.
Dating back to the founding of the Roman Empire, the mythical story of Romulus and Remus was a story of triumph marked by bitter jealousy and murder. Romulus killed Remus in a fit of rage after Remus decided to mockingly jump over Romulus wall. In the story of Cain and Abel, ,Abel’s sacrifices were looked ‘favorably’ upon by God, while Cains were not. In a fit of rage, Cain killed Abel with a rock.
Romulus and Cain had one thing in common: they weren’t favoured by the divine. This was partly due to their lack of quality sacrifices, but it was also due to something perhaps more frustrating. The divine powers favoured their siblings for reasons beyond anyone’s control. It’s uncomfortable to discuss, but God given gifts are distributed unequally. Some people are more intelligent, more articulate, more athletic, more creative, and stronger than others. That is one of the consequences of the ‘natural lottery.’ It’s a reality of humanity, and what the foundation stories seem to communicate is that humility is a necessary part of existence in a social system and hierarchy.
The reason why ‘thou shalt not covet’ was a commandment was not because it was wrong, envy and jealousy are dangerous states of being.
Why has this happened?
Material success has become synonymous with purpose. The cliche ‘chase purpose, not money’ has some truth to it. Many think that if they just get the newest car or the biggest house, their lives will be fulfilled. Sadly, the hamster wheel economy of covetousness never ends. There’s always something more we want to have. It’s not enough to have an iPhone; we want to have the newest iPhone with the newest features, and when we see others with this, it can create a feeling of bitterness and resentment.
Although the West has given us everything any civilisation has ever bestowed,the ghosts of Romulus and Cain live on in the West. We are living in the safest, most prosperous, and most meritocratic civilisation ever known, and yet we lack the humility to accept our place in the world. Not everyone is destined to be a brain surgeon, a Fortune 500 CEO, or a president, and there are always others who are more successful, educated, intelligent, and hardworking than us.
Yet, we meet the reality of the social hierarchy with conceit. The second you become jealous of others achievements, looks, or status, you think that you are owed what they have or ought to have. Why is this the case? The reality is that envy reflects the open wounds of our inadequacies. It was part of the reason why Romulus killed Remus and why Cain killed Abel. Brotherly jealousy arises when we resent the qualities we have and the work ethic we know we don’t possess. Some of these are God-given, and some of them are products of dedication.
Losing contact with nature has disconnected us from a sense of peace. I am not going to pretend that I understand the feeling you get when you are in contact with nature, but the awe inspiring majesty of being in nature is central to grounding us. Whether it be space, forests, or the ocean, why is it that we feel the most connected, peaceful, and tranquil when we are in contact with nature? In the hustle and bustle of modern cities, with skyscrapers and ‘concrete jungles’, we miss the serene touch of nature and replace it with mirages of competition.
The void of competition and envy constantly gnaws at the soul of man and only pushes us further from peace.
The digital age has done us no favors either. Social media has connected us globally; it’s also made us compare ourselves to others. All at once, everyone becomes the centre of the universe, and often, we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.
Comparing ourselves to others can be good at times. If you’re trying to better yourself physically, mentally, or spiritually, you could look at others and think, ‘I want to go down this path to become a wiser and more wholesome person’. On the other hand, there’s the envious kind of comparing when we look at others with a deeper feeling of discontent and resentfulness.
When we give in to envy, we lose gratitude for what we do have. Perhaps all we ought to do in a post-Christian world is to enliven the values of humility, gratitude, and ultimate meaning.
What matters in life?
Dr. Peter Attia MD, told a moving story about a close friend who experienced the tragic loss of his life:
He said, ‘I had a friend whose wife was pregnant with his first child; he’s a successful guy; prior to his wife having kids, he wonders. How is this going to change my life? The day his wife has the baby, he steps out to buy a banana, then walks back to the hospital and thinks to himself and wonders, ‘ I wonder whether I’m the kind of guy who thinks the most important thing in his life is his family or is it still going to be being a venture capitalist’, he goes, ‘You know, what I think it’s just going to be my family, he gets back to the room, and his wife is dead; she died one day after delivering their first child.’
When all is said and done, we all chase something. While our society is fixated on getting what others have in the endless world of ‘keeping up with the Joneses,’ maybe we need to appreciate what we have and who we have. Envy will consume us if we don’t approach life with humility and gratitude in an age where all that matters is ‘getting ahead.’
